How to distinguish a jealous person

The jealous person suffer because imagine threatening scenes all time. Avoid meetings and outings because mistrust everything and everyone.

The jealous person is intuitive. He knows and he is almost never wrong because observe. She is attentive to details imperceptible to others. The problem is that it gives them their own meaning.

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to the jealous person find it hard to share. becomes a be absorbent, possessive. Does not tolerate situations of exclusion. You need to know, be present and above all control. But, at the same time, he suffers from knowing, seeing and controlling. No data manages to calm his anguish.

The jealous person fears more than anything his own destructive violence. Has obsessive thoughts intense that confuses her. Sometimes she is even ashamed of herself for the unbridled rage of her emotions.

In general she feels alone, without resources to calm down. His ego She loses dignity before herself. She feels belittled, tormented and urgently needs to limit that suffering. He wants to escape, break up, cry to end that psychic martyrdom.

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Like a baby, you desperately need a shows to restore the security of the other’s love. Sometimes he takes justice into his own hands. And that’s when the stage becomes chaotic, irrational, untidy and animal.

Tantrums and toxic bonds in the couple

It is known that berrinches they only cause the opposite: the rejection of the loved one.

There are toxic links that reinforce insecurity in the couple and use this jealous aspect of the other to manipulate or exercise holding power. “I make you jealous so you can’t stop looking at me,” for example. They are crazy relationships.

There are couples who feed on third parties with the expectation of arousing greater interest from the loved one, as if being desired by another person would magically provoke a more solid or true love. It’s not over there.

The alleged infidelity

They say that “If you search you will find”. So what do you expect when looking for evidence of alleged infidelity? A message, a footprint, a video, a piece of paper. You search for what you want to find. And when it’s finally found, you suffer for that. But this tempting method hurts a lot.

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It is observed that generally the conflict, insecurity and discomfort were already installed beforehand. And it often happens that the corroboration in the evidence is used to be able to talk about it. If not, it seems that it was not possible otherwise. But believe me you suffer a lot.

Does jealousy serve in a couple?

Sometimes the jealousy they come to abruptly solve a problem, a previous malaise. They express the unconscious desire to cut with a type of link that is no longer desired. So any minimal gesture is cause for a fight.

Other times, you are still hurt by a previous history of tricks. Mistrust remained as a defense so as not to suffer again. It seeks to develop in the current relationship a past disappointment and then conflicts are generated today by the previous ghosts.

At other times, jealousy is provoked to wake up the other, to understand what happens in the relationship, generate adrenaline and greater encounter. They are common in passionate bonds.

where does jealousy come from

The subject is very complex. But, basically, they are born from the beginning, from the most tender childhood.

They originate in triangle mom, dad, one, the brothers and the place I believe I had in the primary family.

When there is a fixation to this infant stage, the conflicts are updated in each significant link that is formed. Then the Oh, God, the envies and the competencies that are still recorded in the unconscious are revived and repeated in scenes with other characters today.

Jealousy is usually projectives. What happens in me I imagine it there. The jealous person is jealous because he assumes that the other is going to do or want the same things that he is doing or wanting. “If it happens to me, it is obvious that it will happen to the other”. But it is almost never like that. The conflict is usually internal in relation to insecurities previous, one battered self esteem, a impoverished self-worth by the history.

Psychoanalysis allows one to reach the depths of conflicts and free ourselves from unconscious ties From the past.

What to do to overcome jealousy?

1. Trust the other: if he is with me today it is because that is how he chooses to live the present of the relationship. Do not give more value to the facts of the past than to the present of the relationship.
2. Trust the link: the strength of a relationship lies in the sum of small valuable moments shared with the other person. These experiences are unique and unrepeatable. What lived together is my support.
3. Pay attention to the criterion of reality that is usually given by the best counselor: own common sense is objective, it does not exaggerate or minimize because it escapes from the ego.
4. Deromanticize the myth “we are one”: the suffocating and symbiotic bonds cause suffocation and do not allow breathing. Give each other free spaces to re-oxygenate with others and come together more and more fully.
5. Find your own axis: resume one’s own life beyond the other (my tastes, my interests, my friends, etc.). Not getting lost or abandoning yourself in the other or giving 100% if that means staying empty.
6. Avoid constant monitoring on networks: in the same way as when dieting, sweets are not left within reach of the refrigerator so as not to be tempted. In the same way, avoid having everything the other posts within sight.
7. The problem is when we cannot choose: when being alone is not an option, then I hang on someone else’s neck. Emotional dependence is generated that is as harmful to oneself as it is to the bond.
8. Talk to a valid interlocutor of respectful and trustworthy listening. When voices alone increase their volume exponentially, third glances help us to unlock ourselves and get out of the prison of the mind. A good therapy always helps to recover one’s own axis, to regain self-esteem, self-revaluation and paying attention to oneself inward.